For Child Safety
UNIVERSAL PRECAUTIONS:
A COMMON SENSE APPROACH TO PREVENTING ABUSE


Sexual abuse is a problem that affects families everywhere. Combating sexual abuse requires foresight, determination, and common sense. No law, no list, no notification can protect you as well as the use of your most formidable tool to keep your family safe: your brain.

Think of it: has that "drug free school zone" sign kept drug dealers away from your school? Did "baby on board" stop that rear-end crash? You may know that a registered sex offender lives nearby, but do you know where the paroled gang-banger lives? Or the recidivist drug dealer? Should all of these be listed on a "registry" also? If they were, would you feel safer, or less safe?

When AIDS first confronted health care workers in the 1980's, fear and hysteria was the initial response. Patients with AIDS were shunned. Demands were made for disclosure of medical information under the guise of protecting health care workers. Slowly, facts emerged. One fact is that health care workers were far more likely to contract-and die from-other organisms like hepatitis B than from AIDS. Another piece of reality was that disclosure only would help with known cases�health care workers could still be inadvertently affected by those for whom no diagnosis had yet been made.

The problem confronting health care was that there was no way to tell which patient presented a risk just by looking at them, and that tests could take a long time and be intrusive.

So, health care workers developed the concept of UNIVERSAL PRECAUTIONS. Simply stated, that meant using the same precautions, like wearing gloves or masks, when treating ANY patient for any reason. Today it is the common sense standard of care in preventing or minimizing infection from a wide variety of sources, including, but certainly not limited to, HIV/AIDS. In the community, we have seen the reduction of new HIV cases through such efforts as "safer sex" and, most importantly, education and prevention.

What has this got to do with preventing sexual abuse? It's simple.

Just as with AIDS, you can't tell the sexual criminal from a relative, friend, or acquaintance just by looking at them. The sexual criminal is NOT the slimy character with the trenchcoat lurking by the park, and the stereotypes just contribute to a false sense of security.

UNIVERSAL PRECAUTIONS in healthcare means that the primary person responsible for protecting you is YOU.

Here are some UNIVERSAL PRECAUTIONS to prevent sexual abuse:
 
  1. Secrets kill. Teach your children not to keep them. Don't keep them yourself.
  2. When someone is visiting your children, no matter who it is, doors stay OPEN. Set rules about friends of the opposite sex visiting in your child's room - they can do whatever they do in a common area of the house. If a friend is your child visiting upstairs, downstairs, or out of sight, YOU need to check on them. NO excuses!
  3. If your child has an internet account, YOU have the password. Use it periodically, and check the sites where they go. Set limits on amount of time they are allowed to use the Internet. USE FILTERING SOFTWARE TO ITS FULLEST CAPABILITY.
  4. Chat rooms are for used for sex. Anyone who tells you different has probably never spent much time in a chat room. Set limits on what sites (and types of sites) your child is allowed to access and consistently enforce them.
  5. If your child has or wants a web cam, question why, and observe and set limits on its use.
  6. If your child is on a "social" web site and has a profile, look at it. Others do, why not you? And remember, most kids have multiple screen names.
  7. Computers are stationed in public areas of your home, not basements or kids rooms.
  8. If your child refuses to abide by your computer rules, DELETE THEIR ACCOUNT. If they need it for school, let them use YOURS, while you observe. Use of the Internet is a privilege, not a right.
  9. No, you DON'T have to give your kids their own personal home phone, cell phone, beeper, and Blackberry. Shucks if all the other kids have them. It's a privilege, not a right. Ten year olds are rarely corporate executives. They don't need to stay so darn in touch - if they need to contact you, they can use a friend's. (REALLY - how many of those minutes are actually calling you vs. how many spend calling their friends?)
  10. Yes, you CAN block those cable channels. And not just the "porn" ones. Look at what your kids are watching, and what messages they are getting, and what they are being told is ok. Ask. Discuss what is shown on a show - use the opportunity for discussion, just as you would for smoking or drugs.
  11. Music is social commentary. Listen. Then comment. Your kids are. Censorship doesn't help. Insight does.
  12. Video games should be treated like TV and music. See 10 & 11, above. Violent or sexually aggressive video games don't produce sexual criminals or promote experimentation. They create an environment. Is that environment one you are comfortable to have your child in?
  13. The right to your child's privacy does not prevent you from following your instincts. If something looks, sounds, or smells wrong, you MUST follow up on it. Paranoia wont solve anything, but a wise vigilance will.
  14. You have the right to live in a home in which such items as alcohol, drugs, and pornography are not present. You can't be everywhere, but you CAN decide what's OK in YOUR home. The constitution prevents unreasonable search and seizure by the federal government. You are not the federal government. If you have reasonable cause, go look. It's your home and YOU are the parent.
  15. Remember that intoxication and sex often are partners. If you don't think so, you have a very short memory.
  16. Yes, they can. Yes, you did too. Yes, they will. When and how much, and whether or not they ruin their lives, can be influenced by YOU.
  17. It's not just the boys. Girls are becoming increasingly sexually aggressive.
  18. Inappropriate actions are not "a phase." Use opportunities for discussion and clarification on boundaries, and appropriate (and SAFE) peer/peer interaction.
  19. Shielding your child from the consequences of their actions only encourages the actions to continue, and it discourages taking personal responsibility. Acknowledging failures or mistakes is not abusive, it's good parenting. Use the opportunities to discuss what might have worked better and what they can do next time instead.
  20. Early intervention usually works best. If you notice things like porn in the home or on the computer, if your children are on the computer an inordinate amount of time, or if inappropriate sexual activity is present, don't wait to seek help. MANY adult sex offenders became very confused during prepubescence and puberty. NOW IS THE TIME to intervene - you can save a lot of heartache by ushering your child back into healthy thinking and behavior NOW. Ignore this at your own peril.
  21. Your child going out? Make SURE you know: Where, with whom, what time, and at what number. Cell phone numbers don't count. Talk to an adult. Show up once in a while. They'll get over it.
  22. You are not a jailer. You are not an intelligence officer. You are not a cop. You ARE a parent. Act like one. Are you really going to let a 15 year old tell you how to run your home?
  23. The only person whose actions you can always control is you. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, bad stuff still happens. Its not your fault. Letting shame prevent you from getting help for yourself and your family is deadly. Get over yourself.
  24. Your child learns about relationships from YOU. Check yourself. If the relationships in your home are healthy, things work better.
  25. Mistakes happen. Get up, dust yourself off, move on. It's not about you. Being honest about YOUR mistakes, within reason, will foster honesty in your kids and will foster trust their in you.
  26. Being an adult does not entitle you to behave in a moral fashion differently than what you expect from your kids. If you think you're hiding that double standard, think again.
  27. Professionals like therapists and lawyers are not the enemy. BAD professionals, or worse, UNINFORMED professionals, make things worse. You wouldn't choose the first or cheapest heart surgeon you encounter; be as judicious when choosing a therapist or lawyer to assist you if your child is a victim, or an offender, or both.
  28. Sexual abuse, like alcoholism, is a family disease. Everyone is affected. In choosing a therapist or treatment program, choose one that takes a family centered approach. Otherwise, the problem remains only partially treated.
  29. The greatest threat to your children is not posed by the sex offender. The greatest threat to your children is DENIAL. Denial, simply stated: Don't Even kNow I Am Lying.
  30. Trusting no one is as destructive as trusting everyone. Think. Listen. Learn.


Your own involvement is essential. Control isn't parenting, guidance is.

Educate yourself on abuse. Get help if you have been abused. Don't ever give up. Don't think that just because your child has been abused, their life is over, or if your child is an offender, that things will never change. That attitude prevents them from living an honest life and confronting their situation.

Nothing that is said above guarantees success. In fact, there are no guarantees. You can only do the best you can given the tools you have. Awareness of what is going on in your own home, and in the lives of your children, takes work. And, as every parent knows, it's a fine line between being aware and smothering your child.
 

In the final analysis, the BEST protection for a child is YOU..the PARENT.

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