Some Responses to "Gays--No Easy Answers

I read your piece about homosexuality and I certainly feel your struggle and the writing, again, resurrected my own struggle. Although you tried to fairly provide analogies that may speak to the struggle, you, like many, left the basic challenge unanswered. I would encourage you to rethink two areas. One, the idea that Jesus had nothing to say, specifically,about homosexuality and, two, the notion that because there is perversion in heterosexuality, homosexual perversion is more understandable.

I think it is dangerous to make even moderate conclusions on what Jesus did not say. Really, he may have said something, it just was not caught by the writers. One would beg the question, why did the writers not catch or record a statement of Jesus? Perhaps, most of what was caught and recorded was the most controversial, that which was brought into conflict with the "norm" of the day. Homosexuality could have been commonly understood, among Jesus and the writers, as not acceptable, period, even though it was rampant. Jewish law was strongly against it, Jesus did not come to change the law. Of course the obvious argument, here, is to deliver slight, if any, credence to other popular behavior of today simply because Jesus said nothing about it then. Much if not all of what Jesus said has to be projected on the backdrop of the law in operation at the time. Many drug users have used the "Jesus didn't say not to smoke pot" theory to support their unhealthy, self-destructive behavior. We understand that doing so is not loving yourself.

The other reflection that evidence of heterosexual perversion is supportive of homosexual perversion is simply saying that we are in a fallen state. The fact that we are does not excuse behavior that is displeasing to God. There would be little need for the church if this were not so. Our sin is reconciled in nothing less than Jesus' sacrifice for us, not in how much other sin there is in the world or our lives. Sin does not excuse sin. Jesus excuses sin. Therein lies the real question here, is homosexuality sin? Is it a behavior that separates one from God? I think so. In part, this conclusion comes out of what I feel those who struggle with this issue overlook, conversation with those who have "crossed over". 100% of former homosexuals who now have freedom from such have shared with me that it is a sin. Who would know that best than they? More vehemently, they would also praise those who did not pat them on the back, in an acceptance of pop culture way, and show false love by trying to figure them out instead of speaking boldly against the sin, as one would any other oppressed state of sinfulness. Too often the image I get is one of talking about the challenge and not to the challenge.

Thanks for the time.

David,

I saw your article on the Internet, and wanted to make a few comments...

First, let me give you a few details about myself. I'm 29, male, gay, and came out to myself about 6 months ago. (I really knew I was gay a long time before that, but I denied it.) I am out only to my sister and a close female friend. My parents do not know, nor do I plan to tell them.

The "moral aspect" of being gay really bothered me. I felt for a long time that being gay was wrong, that my feelings were wrong, and basically, evil. There is no doubt that in MY church (Baptist), I would be considered a pervert and "corrupted".

Many of your comments really hit close to home:
1. My parents (if they knew), would probably tell me to pray for God to change me. As you said, although He could, He probably woould not. (In fact, I did pray about this, but nothing changed...)
2. I also thought, what kind of life is THIS? I can't change the way I feel, but I thought that being a good Christian was incompatible with being gay.
3. Remaining celebate is NOT a realistic choice for me; I want a relationship.
4. I DO regret that children will not be possible for me... an unforunate limitation.

So, many of the comments you made I could relate to.

I think you have stated, concisely, the dilema we face: that there ARE no simple answers. I learned this months ago. What I basically decided was that the struggle is probably what is important. I hope so.

I should point out that I am NOT a great Christian: I go to church regularly, I believe that Christ is my personal savior, I am saved, but I do not read the Bible consistently, and to tell the truth, since I came out, I have gone to church less than before. I still struggle. And since I came out, and since I have met other gay people, it is clear that I will probalby continue to meet others. I am happier now than I have ever been. I am at last HONEST with myself, and it is wonderful. But I wonder what the price of being happier is sometimes. I think that the struggle with homosexuality has weakened my relationship with God. I don't even pray as much as I used to. I often fell like a hypocrite...

That is why I so enjoyed that end of your essay. "I'm not okay, and you're not okay. But that's okay... The cross is the place you can come when you have exhausted all the simple answers... Christ is there... He will not turn you away..." I cried when I read that.

I do not know what the future holds. But your essay has made me think again about this. Thank you.

Sir, I read your sermon and do recognize the sincerity you put forth in trying to show yourself as a loving, accepting human being. Although your argument is not completely offensive (as most dynamically religious people tend to be), I believe that you are making several generalizations that simply are not true. The images you paint of homosexuals are, to me absurd. I think that you must have no real knowledge of what it is like to be gay. I am the reknowned expert compared to you. I live my life as an openly gay woman, both to my family and to the public. I am in no way immoral. I am a humanitarian; I believe in loving everyone. There is no exclusion when it comes to my love for people. I spend every day crying for people, hoping that their lives can somehow be influenced and that they can see the reality of how things are. I do not hate myself, because I do not know the meaning of that word. I love. That's it. I live my life according to the Golden Rule, the only important thing most of us have ever learned in our lives. I treat others with respect, even if they are not deserving of my respect.

I think that your imagery of a promiscuous homosexual is, in no way, accurate. I am an active part of the gay community, so I know the way that people feel about promiscuity. It is even less acceptable than in the general population. I live in a monogamous relationship with another woman, who I have taken to be my wife forever. We share a home, love, money, bills, food, time, etc. Is this so different than any marriage between a man and a woman that you have ever heard of? I will never repent living a rich life, giving all of my energy to helping people, and never denying myself the love that every human deserves to have.

On the issue of procreation: I am going to have children. As is my wife. We will have children, and raise them together. My best friend is a gay man who would like to have children, as well. Another friend of ours is in the same position. There you have it, a family with four parents instead of two. If two parents can offer a lot of love to their children, imagine how much love four parents can offer to them.

I think that the problem in your sermon is basically one of ignorance of the gay community. You should have invited those men to church. By failing to do so, you were failing to witness to them the word of God, i.e. failing to do the job you were chosen to do. One of the Ten Commandments is to love thy neighbor. By failing to invite them, you were showing absolutely no love for your neighbor. How can you love yourself if you don't love others? I would feel guilty about that, but I don't expect you to, because you don't subscribe to unconditional love by preaching that my love is a sin. I think you should get to know some gay people, it may make your sermon a little more understanding. We're not all that bad, and we don't all have AIDS. I would really like to hear a response from you on what I have said.

I enjoyed reading your sermon on the subject of homosexuality. I commend you for your compassion and mercy to those who are struggling with this problem. However, I must strongly disagree with you on the point you made in regards to homosexuals being involved in a monogamous relationship if celibacy was too dificult. The apostle Paul makes the point in Romans 1:24,26 that homosexuality is not tolerated as an action by God. I agree with you that this is a difficult subject matter in regards to compassion, but the fact of the matter is that God clearly points to homosexuality being sin in this passage. This is the basis for my disagreement with you on the monogamy issue.

Sin is sin. There is no way to argue this point. We as humans have the choice to agree with God and call sin sin, or we can rationalize away the God-given conviction and choose to follow our own desires. This leaves us with no other option than to call homosexuality a sin. This stated, I don't think it possible for a homosexual to become a Christian yet continue to live in sin by practicing homosexuality; regardless of how difficult it may be. (I don't think you were arguing that it isn't sin but I am just seting up my argument and trying not to leave any room for doubt in where I stand). Paul also argues this in Romans 6 when he states, "Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?" Also in Galatians 2:20 he remarks, "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." This shows that as Christians we cannot continue to live in sin because we are dead to sin. Not only are we dead to sin, but Christ lives in us so we cannot continue to "walk" in sin.

I would side with the conservative argument that you laid out in your sermon, in that if someone comes to faith in Christ then they have to repent (turn) of their sins and walk in obedience to God. I realize this is very idealistic and simplified, but the fact if the matter is that God's Word says, "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us."

The last comment I wanted to make is about Christ and his compassion. Jesus Christ was very compassionate on peole who were genuine and who genuinely did not know him. He was not however, compassionate on those that knew him and knew what was required of them yet continued to walk in sin. I see us as having the same responsibility. I am to have compassion on people that do not know the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior; whether homosexual or heterosexual, drug-addict or goody-goody. I am not however to have compassion on a member of the body that continues to walk in (practice) a certain sin. (Maybe I should have used "tolerance" in the preceeding sentence). This is a blatant disregard for the statutes of God.

Again, I really enjoyed reading your sermon and felt you made alot of good points. You challenged me in my understanding of homosexuals and the Lord used it to convict me of my attitude towards these list people. If any of this is unclear, or if you want me to elaborate on any of the points, please don't hesitate to respond.

May the Lord bless you and your ministry.

In Him,

Mr. Hess:

One day while surfing the Net I came across your sermon, "Gays---No Easy Answers..." I was particularly interested since my own church is going through the process of declaring ourselves an "Open and Affirming" church. Other congregations sometimes call this "reconciling," but essentially they are struggling with the issue of admitting and accepting into their congregation persons of homosexual orientation as well as welcoming persons regardless of gender, able-ness, ethnicity, social class, economic class, etc, etc.

Your sermon was thought-provoking to me since I grew up in a fundamental church and am a gay man in a committed relationship with another man. A long-term relationship of some 17 years. I very much would like to dialogue, as much as possible and by the limitations of e-mail, about your sermon. I note you welcome response.

I am NOT a Biblical scholar in the sense that I studied for the ministry, but I have grown up with it and graduated from a college whose center was church and Christian based. Over the years I have had to struggle with the issue of homosexuality as sin, gift, or trick of God. I hope my insights will be of assistance to you.

"The Conservative Response"
As I see it this view is extremely popular in our churches and in our society. And having been raised with this view I understand, or at least think I understand, the justification for it. Many believe in the myth, "God said, I believe it, and that settles it." But as a growing Christian we must also explore the reasons God said it. Often what we take literally in context today had an entirely different meaning for those who wrote and heard it yesterday. Only recently I learned that for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle did not refer to our definition of needle, but to the Biblical definition. That is, the entry into the Holy City after the gates had been closed. Here is where I really began to wonder if we (a conservative community) had missed the boat on interpretation.

"The Progressive Response"
I agree that many, if not all, gay persons wished they could change their orientation. However, I do not necessarily agree it's because of a cruel trick by God. I think it because we as gay persons do feel we belong to the norm. When I was growing up no one ever told me it was "wrong" to be gay. I sensed it was not the "norm" or the accepted. In your Addendum you seem to support this view although you do state, "The truth is, all of us, straight and gay, know fundamentally that the natural purpose of sex, though not the only one, is biological reproduction."
I disagree. The purpose of sex, gay and straight, is to be intimately joined with another human. For some heteorsexuals, granted, the majority, is to reproduce. However, we demean countless heteorsexual couples who CHOOSE not to reproduce and burden countless more who desire to and cannot. "A man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home and travel on to where the two shall be one." It does not say "...to where the two shall become three." I know, it also does not say that two of the same sex shall....However, I wish to approach that argument at another time. Since I think it's a subject unto itself. "The Moderate Response"
This is the view you are "most comfortable with." Why? Do we ever ask people of color, "We know you would rather be white, but if you can't BE white, then at least, ACT white. And if you can't to that then be as moral (like a white person) as you can?!?! My view is we, a community of sinners, need to find the myths and misinterpretations and downright lies we have come to believe from the Bible. We must seek truth. Our own personal world view might be...One man, one woman, two children, but where in the Bible did we ever get that notion. And because the Bible is an historical guide as well as a moral guide then we MUST find and understand the truth about its origin. We, as a church body, should be encouraging gay and straight relatlionships to be monogamous and then our churches and our families (however you define them) and then our communities will be stronger. It's not easy being monogamous for anyone, but it's a lot easier when we do it together.

These, Mr. Hess, are my thoughts. I understand, as I am sure you do, that it is easy to confuse words and meanings when they are written. I hope you will take this into consideration. I am helping my church learn what it really is to be gay and to be welcomed into the church. The process has not been frustrating for me, though my straight friends have experienced frustration. Just as we are called to tell the world about Jesus, I am convinced we also are to tell the world about love and justice. And I learned long ago its a slow process usually done one person at a time.

Thank you for you time. I look forward to your response. I do understand, that, as a busy pastor in a busy church, your time is limited. But I hope we can enjoy some healthy dialogue and debate.

i appreciate and am sympathetic to your desire to find a middle way, a way that takes the bible seriously but also actively seeks to reach out in ministry to gays.

in my experience though, i have never talked to a "gay christian" who takes the scriptures seriously. they generally focus on "the sermon on the mount-type" words of jesus and leave out "i came not to bring peace but a sword", and anything else they don't like. the moral teachings of the ot are held as passe' ("you don't avoid garments of mixed fabric do you?"). an old christian friend who uncloseted himself a few years back wants nothing to do with his old christian friends. has anyone ever responded to what you say in the essay ("to gays i say....")?

i fear the polarization will only get worse as activist gays succeed more and more with their legislative/judicial agenda (ie romer v.evans)

enjoyed your essay. thanks and best wishes,

After just reading your sermon on homosexuality, you have given me a completely new image of myself. I remember as far back as grade school being attracted of members of the same sex and used to look in the mirror feeling disgusted about myself. I felt like I had done something really dirty although it was just an attraction and prayed to God every night to "change" me. Finally, at 17 years of age, I discovered that my best friend was gay and we ended partying alot although not any different then regular teenagers. By then, I had had this view of myself as a complete outcast and thought "if I'm already this much a sinner, then it won't matter what kind of life I lead".

Now, I am 23years of age and have a different outlook. I know that I didnt choose this and I also know that I have found the person that I want to be with for the rest of my life, and no one can make me believe that I am doing anything wrong morally because of it. I do believe that I can still prove myself in the eyes of God without pretending to be somebody that I am not.

Thank You.

I feel so relieved from reading this sermon. I have been feeling so alienated from my Christian "family" due to their extreme hatred and lack of compassion for homosexuals. I am a relatively new Christian but neccessity has made me grow rather quickly. But today, I just got fed up at some of the viewpoints that I as 'suppose' to have. I asked the Lord, "Is there something wrong with me, that I don't see things the same way as others?" I do believe that homosexuality is a sin, but I don't think it is a greater sin that others, i.e., adultery, stealing, drug-dealing (all the things I carry from my past). Yet, homosexuals get this special "don't you dare enter our church" routine. I wonder if people realize that the 3 most influential men in the bible where murderers? Anyways, it was refreshing to read this to know that I can have compassion for these folks.

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1996 C. David Hess