Some Responses to "Gays--No Easy Answers

Your sermon was thoughtful, caring and addressed many of the issues that gay people face in our society today. I was surprised by the compassion you expressed and was touched by what seemed to be a true concern for our gay brothers and sisters. When I first decided to read your sermon, I was expecting the conservative point of view. I had almost lost faith that any pulpit was still preaching that Jesus in fact welcomed all sinners and that He did not exclude anyone. In this day and age when the press provides so much coverage to the "Christian Right Wing" and we have men running for president that state that they would not allow any gays in their cabinet and the entire Republican field pledging to fight gay marriages you are a light in the dark. I will be printing this out and showing it to my wife ane will show my friends.

Thank you

That is a sick, sick sermon.

You say that many gays would like to change. I believe you have no valid evidence for that. Certainly *some* would like to change, but usually it is because they find themselves oppressed by society, church, and family that do not accept them. Almost all of the gays I've personally met have no desire to change and I suspect that if the attitudes of others towards gays were to change, then very few gays would be interested in changing themselves. If I'm right, then you grossly distort the truth by preaching that "many" gays want to change.

The fundamental fact that the church needs to learn is that being gay and living as a gay person is neither unethical nor immoral. Living a gay life is not inherently hurtful to anyone; nor is it incompatible with devotion to God. Once the church accepts this fact, it can then deal with gay people as it deals with people generally. There won't be a special problem dealing with gays.

The church has a long history of bigotry. Its treatment of gays is just one of the chapters in that history.

Dear Rev. Hess,

I want to thank you, first of all, for a very thoughtful sermon on a very difficult topic. Far too many Christians, by way of remaining "in the world but not of it," choose to live in ignorant fear (and hatred?) of open homosexuals and what it means to be gay. I so often find myself summoning the patience to remember that I, too, crave a "simple answer" much of the time--but you're right, there are none.

Well, that's not quite true.

There is one simple answer I've found, Pastor Hess. When asked "what is the greatest commandment," Jesus answered quite simply: Love. It doesn't get much more simple than that. And yet what a powerful answer! And how often we are given the opportunity to obey that commandment! In any and all of our dealings with one another--gay or straight--we are COMMANDED to LOVE one another. And that may mean going out of our way, becoming ritually unclean, and giving up our offering money to pay an innkeeper for his services until our return....

Pastor Hess, I've read your sermon and the addendum several times through, and I've spent most of today thinking about your points. And yet I can't get past one detail. You say that "the natural purpose of sex... is biological reproduction." This is indeed true. But would you be willing to say that the natural purpose of HUMANITY is biological reproduction? Are YOU sexually "distorted" because you have been given the gift of celibacy?

It strikes me odd that you, a heterosexual, should "grieve" for gays because they will never "be able to know the full complementary love of a person of the opposite sex." From my point of view as a homosexual, the love of a woman is not at all complementary. My spiritual and sexual being is complemented by interaction with my Companion, (deleted). Wouldn't it be silly of me to pity you because you'd never have the opportunity to fall in love with another man?

You say in your sermon that you see no evidence of homosexual orientation being a gift from God--"certainly absolutely no biblical warrant" are the words you've chosen. I wonder if you believe that only those elements of creation which are listed by name in the Genesis creation stories are "very good" in the sight of God? If indeed the human race began with two individuals, it is most essential that (a) there be both a man and a woman, and (b) they both be heterosexual. But Adam's sons did not look exactly like Adam, and Eve's daughters were not Eve. Are we so sure that homosexuality wasn't present in the world even in our earliest generations?

Your point is well made: babies born blind, pedophiles... even Adolph Hitler was part of God's creation. I can't pretend to see good in all of His workmanship. But I can put my trust in His promise that all things will work together for the good of those who love Him. And I know that, though my feelings of spiritual, social, and sexual attraction to (deleted) are certainly abnormal, in the strictest sociological sense, they are just as certainly no less a gift from God than if (deleted) were Marcia.

Your practical advice to gay Christians, to change, remain celibate, or at least monogamous, seems cruel in the light of your later comment that "all human love is to some degree distorted and perverted." If homosexual love is a sin--which I define as something which separates us from God and God's will for us as individuals--then it should be purged from our lives. If it is holy--that is, if it can bring us closer to God and God's will--then it should be embraced. Why--how--could a minister advise his flock to sin "if perfection doesn't work out"?

And why, if all of our love is sinful, must we "express [our] clear preference for heterosexuality"? Don't you see that by expressing a preference for one we cannot help but degrade the other? My preference for any human being is not for heterosexuality or for homosexuality per se, but rather for whatever gift of sexuality God has prepared for him or her--and I am in no position to read God's plan for another human being.

To your three models of Christian response, I'd like to add an alternate answer to the "problem" of homosexuality:

Because God has created us as humans in infinite variety, it is impossible to make a blanket "law" which will apply to all of His children. We must therefore consider each relationship on the basis of its spiritual consequences.

If in deepening relations with one another, two persons find themselves growing more healthy, more mature, and more able to focus on God, then I would offer blessings upon that relationship. That relationship should be recognized by the church as a holy and God-created union, and should receive all the prayers and support that the people of God have to offer it.

If, on the other hand, those two persons find it harder and harder to focus on the will of God, distracted by lust, envy, or anger; and if they have prayed about that relationship and feel confident that God is not present in the union, then I would offer my blessings to those two persons as individuals, and offer them my prayers as they journey onward separately.

It occurs to me that I've just spent quite a few paragraphs attacking the sermon I had intended to praise. I hope you can forgive my tone; my life for the past year or so has been rather difficult as I've tried to earn acceptance as an openly gay Christian on the staff of a church in a frequently closed-minded community. The frustration I must suppress when dealing with my colleagues sometimes erupts forth when I have an opportunity for honest dialogue.

If you have an opportunity and a desire for further dialogue, I hope you'll take a moment to respond to this message. If not, please know that I appreciate the work you do, and that I know it to be the work of the Lord. God bless you in your ministry.

with the Love of Christ,

Rev. Hess,

I came across the posting of your sermon you had posted on the internet, and last revised on 2/22/96 concerning "No easy answers" for gay people, and I wanted to share my comments with you.

I am a 42 year old man, married for 16 years, with 4 wonderful children, aged 14, 10, 10, and 10. (yes, they are triplets). My wife and I recently got a divorce partially (she would say wholly) because of my confession to her last year that I had and affair with another married man (who happened to be a Church of Christ minister, by the way), and the fact that I had had feelings of sexual attraction for men before and throughout our marriage. She is not a believer. Our marriage was not originally established as it should have been on the foundation of faith. I have grown in my walk with God throughout our marriage, and had tried to bring my wife and my children along with me, setting a "good example" by being active in my church (mainline Methodist), in my job, and in our community. However, I have never been able to shake the longings and attractions I have had for other men, and unfortunately for our marriage, I acted on it. No amount of prayer kept the longings from being there. I feel now that God did in fact make me this way, just as he made black people black. I used to think it was something I could will away, or pray away, but that's just not the case. Being gay is simply a part of my being. I don't feel that I can be "cured" as many of the "ex-gay" proponents suggest, nor do I feel any less loved by God for it. I deal with a lot of guilt, but it is mainly due to the fact that I have had to deceive people for so long on my true self. I hold the highest administrative position in my church that the Methodist church allows--Chairman of the Administrative Board. For me to annouce the fact that I am a gay man would tear our church apart at this time. I am aware of comments by friends of mine, even in the Sunday School class that I teach, that "I will NOT go to church with queers!" I fear being found out for that reason, as well as what it would do to my children, who are at a very vulnerable age. I have learned what it is like to be a "minority" and I've been given a whole new perspective of how semmingly loving, caring Christian people can be anything but that when it comes to homosexuals. For that reason, I was pleasantly surprised to read your words, which reflected an understanding I was not expecting from a Baptist minister.

I have had time now to examine my feelings about my sexuality, and realize that I should have been honest with myself years ago, and instead of trying to make myself something I'm not, with the result being that I've potentially affected negatively not only my own life, but that of my wife, my precious children, my ex-lover and his wife and children, and all those people who respect me for someone they THINK I am. The responsibility for their attitude towards the faith rested in my hands, and to some extent, still does. I feel like I would be letting my Lord and my church down by "coming outa', but at the same time, I feel a compelling need to be honest with who I am to those Christian brothers and sisters whom I love. You are right when you say that gays may not be able to count on the support of their church as those who are discrimminated against because of race can---I'm sorry to say that, but I'm afraid it's true. Gays CAN and do, however, get support in gay friendly churches (of which at least in the Dallas area there are many), so I know all Christians are not judgemental. This point might need further exploration, if you want additional ideas for future revisions or sermons.

I apologize for this being such a rambling letter, but there are a jumble of ideas which constantly pop into my head about my sexual orientation. I am nowhere near settling it in my own mind yet, even with the help of Christian counseling, but I know that my faith in God is stronger now than it ever was before, and I give glory to Him for allowing me to finally admit, at least to Him and to myself if very few others, that I AM a gay man, and that the world is not going to come to an end because of it.

I appreciate your kind and understanding words more than you can imagine. If you wish, feel free to correspond and I would be happy to talk to you further about it.

I really enjoyed reading your sermon.

I am a Christian. I am a homosexual. In that order. It is an endless struggle to keep God first. I believe the church's (the Body of Christ) worst enemy right now is the church itself. We (the church) are acting as modern-day Pharisees. I wonder how God feels as he looks out at any congregation and sees many with their spiritual masks on but behind those masks are adulterers, homosexuals, abusers, drug addicts. The Word says confess your sins one to another so that you may be healed. No wonder the church is suffering. We hide for fear of being condemned by our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

I have just finished teaching a 13-week course called PrayerLife at (deleted). Not one person knew of my struggle and God truly moved in that class.

I am involved with a man that I met at church. We have been together for two years and my spiritual life has dwindled. If I could find a man that I could pray and read the Bible together every night I believe God would bless that relationship. But I have found that to be futile. I noticed you did not mention spiritual warfare in your sermon. The enemy bombards us on every front.
He turns any attempt my partner and I make to live a righteous and godly life into something dirty.

The Lord truly has blessed me in the last four years. I am involved in an AIDS ministry. We base the ministry on the Good Samaritan. The Samaritan did not ask the man in the street if he was gay-bashed or if it was a drug deal gone bad. He simply gave him food, medical assistance, transportation, and a place to stay. Of course this ministry is not in the Southern Baptist church I attend. I asked if they would start one. NO ANSWER.

Some of the most sincere Christians I have met are people struggling with homosexuality. They are humbled, cling to every word of God, and have sincere heart. They have been through battle. They do not lose heart. Though outwardly they are wasting away, inwardly they are renewed day by day.(2 Corith 4:16-18)

Pleas write back your sentiments.

P.S.
If you have a mailing list, I would love to be added.

Good to find your message on the web. Since many of us have a bit of information to add, I thought that I would reply.

I was born into a good Christian family, went to Bible College, went out into the world, came back to The Lord.

When I was a young teen-ager and reading a Christian book on sex, I discovered that I fit the description of "homosexual." For many months thereafter, I wept bitterly, fasted and prayed and pulled out my hair. I said, "Lord, take this from me and give me cancer in it's place." He never did. Later on, in Bible College He , through devine intervention, caused my engagement to a young lady to break up. It would have never worked. She deserved better. In bitterness, I went out into the world where I found out that there were many others like me. I had my relationships, long and short term. I figured that since I was going to hell anyway, I might as well enjoy life. In time I became discouraged with a lifestyle that was doomed to failure from the start. I bagan to search for Jesus and discovered that He was there with me all the while. He may not have gone into some of the bars and places with me, but He sure was waiting for me outside.

In 1978 I was teaching a Bible study for new Christian gays, in (deleted). I had not yet decided on a celabate life. I was familiar with a Gay church called M.C.C., but I could not agree with them that Christianity and promiscuity can co-exist. One day, as I was running along the coast highway, I was hit by a car. Almost every bone in my body was broken. There was no hope for me to live. My family didn't know where I was for three days. My identification had become lost. I was "John Doe," unconcious in a hospital in (deleted).

Jesus knew who I was, and where I was. He was there with me, and I with Him. After several weeks I woke up, still in very grave condidtion, but aglow with the joy of the Lord. The only thing that I talked about was Jesus, He who is pure love. I tried to introduce every one of my doctors to Him.I asked each of them to accept Him as their Savior. They all thought I had brain damage. Since Jesus was right there in the room with me, I took the hand of each of my family members with the one hand that I could move, and prayed long prayers for each of them. I was with my God who is love personified, and for several years thereafter, I became very loving like He is.

I am 56 now and I am a celabate homosexual. I say I am homosexual because, " a rose by any other name is still a rose." I have always been a masculine man, and even more so now. Though I am crippled, I am much stronger mentally and physically, than many of the heterosexual men in my church, thus I am able to minister strength to many of them. I am blessed by doing so.

"NO EASY ANSWERS" For many years I surely thought that by the time I reached 56, some answers would have come, but they haven't Just more questions. I know that Jesus died for everyone and if I remain faithful, I am going with Him, but what about the "effeminate." Does this mean that Richard Simmons doesn't stand a chance? Should gay men marry women? (Ask Kathy Lee Gifford about her life with ex-husband Paul Johnson) Doesn't a straight woman deserve a man that appreciates her body?

I have suffered throughout my life, and still suffer greatly. Even as I watch old reruns of "The Waltons" on the Family channel, and I see each Walton child growing up and, sure enough, they each receive that "spark" of attraction to the opposite sex right on schedule, I wonder what they are feeling, I wonder what this is like, and I suffer, I suffer, I suffer.

One night I listened to Dr. Jimmy Allen speak about his book, "Burden of a Secret" He said that when his Christrian friends and congregation found out the secret about his family, they abandoned him. He said, "instead of perfect love casting out fear, fear had cast out perfect love." I guess that says it all. God bless you.

Dear David,

I read your article with great interest. Thank you for NOT giving us the pat, smug, self-righteous, usual "Christian" answers. I can't take the time right now to tell you my whole story, but I will tell you briefly ... if you're interested I can tell you more. I am 52, divorced for over 20 years, I raised my two sons as a single parent - when they were 6 and 7 years old respectively. They are now both married and one has three children. I became a Christian at the age of 32 - two years after our marriage broke up. I live the next twenty years entirely celibate. I had always known that I had homosexual feelings - in fact I've never been sexually attracted to women at all. I fell deeply in love with my wife as a person - and in many ways am still in love with her (we remain friends). Just less than a year ago, I began a correspondence with gay men on the Internet. Eventually I met with a man in (deleted) and had my first homosexual experience. This led me to begin exploring the "gay scene" here in (deleted). I attended the gay church once or twice, I joined a couple of groups. Then I met a young man (31 yrs) and fell in love once again. This is the second time in my life I have "fallen in love" and I am unable to tell the difference in my emotions between the two times.

I guess the thing that mostly startled me was this: I had struggled all my life against giving in to the homosexual urges that I felt. Once I became a Christian, I struggled all the more, since the church taught that homosexuality is sinful. When I finally "gave in" to the temptation last May, I fully expected that I would be entering a place of sin and alienation from God. I almost expected to get Aids immediately ... probably thinking to myself that it would "serve me right." HOWEVER, what I discovered was that as I stepped through the door into this dark room called Homosexuality, I was greeted by Jesus Christ. There he was shedding his light into the darkest places of my soul.

I have found my walk with Christ to be closer and deeper since taking this step. Does this mean that Jesus actually approves of homosexuality? That he sees it not just as "not sinful" but as actually Good? I don't know the answer to that. All I can testify to is that my experience has been fulfilling sexually, emotionally, and spiritually. This obviously does not mean that it is the same for everyone. I can only speak about what I know. What I know is the overwhelming and unconditional love which God in Christ has for me and for all people.

THAT is the message I come away from this experience with. I am profoundly concious that far too many Christians devote their energies to condemning what other people DO, instead of proclaiming the fact that God LOVES them. I cannot judge another person (no matter what proof-texts you can find in scripture), and therefore my job is simply to fulfill the Great Commission - make the whole world into Christ's disciples. I believe that the North American church has totally lost it's way. It has become materialistic and lost it's compassion.

In the early days, Christians were the ones who "turned the world upside down". But now Christians have become "respectable," and are the ones who are disturbed by changes to the status quo. We need to be turned upside down again. Understanding the true nature of God's love will revolutionize our lives as people of God.

Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was that in your effort to be sensitive to gay people, you seem not to credit us with any validity to our own feelings. I can tell you that what I feel is GOOD. I am not concious of sin or falling away from God. I AM concious of the presence of God very closely to me.

By the way, many of the gay men I know have children and grandchildren. The young man who is my lover has absolutely NO desire to raise children, and NO desire whatever to know the "complementary love of a person of the opposite sex." There may be those who "grieve that they can never have children," but I have never met any. Indeed I have met far more unmarried women who grieve for that reason.

Also I take issue with your statement that the "natural purpose of sex" is biological reproduction." You only have to think for a moment about the nature of sexual intercourse between two human beings to see that it if far more than a means of procreation. They are face to face in a way that promotes communication. In fact, I believe that the PURPOSE of sexual relationships between people is to break down the barriers, enabling them to be honest, open and loving towards one another.

Producing babies, it seems to me, is a side-benefit. I think we got it all backwards. If we REALLY thought that sex was about procreation, then we would disapprove of sex even within marriage except for the production of babies - so the Pope would be right! Away with contraception!

Once we can say that sex is about a loving relationship between two people, then we cannot say too much about the genders involved. I really don't think anything in scripture really addresses this issue. Nor should it. People thought for years that the Bible stated that the world was created in 4004 BC - and that Science was WRONG. But the Bible isn't meant to be a science text book either. The Bible is meant for ONE purpose only - to introduce us to Jesus Christ. Once a person meets Christ in person, what happens after that is between Jesus and the individual - it is not for you nor I to say how that person should live. God is the ultimate judge - I am not equipped to do so. Yet, of course, we all love to tittle and tattle and gossip and judge - it is a part of our fallen nature. THAT is sin, sex is not. Yet, like all human behaviour, it can be sinful, as you say, everything we do, feel and say is tinged with sinfulness.

I said I wouldn't write too much, and I seem to be going on at some length. Sorry about that.

I read your sermon: "Gays---No Easy Answers" with great interest. I was expecting to be offended, and wasn't. I am a 24 year old lesbian, a Quaker, and am married to my partner of 3 years. Of course our marriage is not recognized by the state, but we did have the ceremony at the Quaker meeting house, with all of my family in attendance, including my granmothers and one surviving grandfather. I'm not sure why I am giving you this detail about my life...probably because you seem to have taken the time to honestly think about sexuality, and even though I don't agree with everything in your sermon, it is the fairest baptist sentiment on homosexuality I have come across. My marriage, my relationship, and my family, are the things dearest to me. I guess I tell you about them because it is the best way I know of returning the gift you have given by not jumping in with pat condemnation that hurts gay and lesbian people and deems all heterosexual people to be incapable of sin. It is relieving to hear a christian sound like one, and call for understanding, and (at least some form) of acceptance and equal rights, instead of calling for the demonization of other fellow people. Unfortunately, I have heard too many times that all gays and lesbians should be stoned to death. Unfortunately, I have heard my community and culture scapegoated for the destruction of family values. Unfortunately, this is often done in the name of God and of Jesus Christ. As my mother said to a neighbour of hers: "The God I know, the Christ I know, never taught me to hate and be violent in his name."

In case you are curious about what I disagree with in your sermon (although I'm sure you can guess, and have heard it form others) I don't like the idea of being grieved for because I am a lesbian. Pity is so condescending, and can be so insulting. I would never look at a heterosexual person whose marriage is not as strong as my own, and give them pity. I can not give pity to a person who is blind either. To me, it seems that pity is along the same line as judgement, and it is not my job to judge, or pity, or condemn--or for that matter-- to exonerate. We are all responsible for our actions, our thoughts, our selves, our choices. We are all here together. I thank you for being responsible in your analysis of homosexuality. I am a happy woman, a spiritual woman, a kind woman...so far from the demon people would often like to paint me simply because I love a woman, and am committed to sharing my life with her so we can grow together.

So it seems, that though you and I have differing leaps of faith, different faiths, and different cultures, we can communicate. I am glad of that.

I just read your sermon on an "alternative" Christian approach to homosexuality. I think it is beautiful and well-reasoned. I disagree with some of your statements, but agree with so many others. I am an openly gay, 28-year old attorney in (deleted). I live with a wonderful man, (deleted), in a monogamous, truly blessed relationship. Coming out was the most fortunate and intelligent, and probably most courageous, move I've ever made. Your statements about how gays must feel facing such awful ostracism were right on the money. I cannot tell you how difficult it is to be gay -- how terribly horrific it is to face the bigotry and hatredthat we face from so many, even (most painfully) our own families. If we could change our sexual orientations, I'm afraid many of us would. Just as many African-Americans, sadly, would opt to be white if given a choice. The worst hatred, the most painful bigotry, has come from those who call themselves Christian. I am a Christian. I believe I live a Christian life. I treat everyone as well as I would hope they would treat me, and I try to emulate Jesus in my dealings with others. Why, however, is it that gay men and lesbians like me are treated as categorically evil? Perhaps it is that we need a significant reformulation of the view that homosexuality is per se immoral. I believe it is not. I am moral. There is nothing immoral or dishonest about my relationship with my partner. We love each other. We support one another. And while at times we wonder how it would be like to lead a heterosexual life, partaking in the gift of procreation, we have concluded that we are psychologically and perhaps organically incapable of leading such a life. We are, therefore, trying to do the best with what we have and acknowledge love where we have it. How is that immoral?

Thank you again.

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1996 C. David Hess