Some Responses to "Gays--No Easy Answers

Dear Mr. Hess,

I just read your sermon and I was very glad to see that all American Baptist Churches do not feel the same. I am an 18 year old College student at the University of (deleted). I've been going to an American Baptist church in my hometown in (deleted) every week for as long as we've lived there. (10 yrs) I've always blindly believed everything that was told to me and never questioned anything. That's what I was told to do. I continued to do this until the summer before I went to college.

I *really* tried to be straight but I just couldn't. All through high school I denied all the feelings I had for male friends. I just thought it was one of those sinful thoughts that goes through everyone's head. It turned out that none of my friends had these feelings. I became very depressed because I could not stop the feelings I was having. I also could not have those feelings for girls no matter how hard I tried.

The summer before my first year at college I met someone who was openly gay. This was unheard of in my town (I thought). We had a strictly platonic friendship and he taught me that I was not the only person in the world to have these feelings and that there were many other gay people in my town.

When I came to school, I was really nervous about what the situation for gays would be on campus. It turned out better than I could've ever imagined. I am a voice major and my private instructor is openly gay ... and a christian. I had a really hard time understanding this and we've talked about it a lot. I finally realized that I am who I am and that it's ok to be that way.

My first semester was great! I was doing great in school and was in a steady relationship with really nice guy. I went home for Christmas break and went to my old church. (No one at home knows I'm gay except my family and some friends, by the way) Out of every sermon the pastor gave while I was there, he had something bad to say about homosexuals. I just sat there letting it pass over and paying attention to the rest of the sermon, but it happened every week. I really don't know what to do. My church is very loving and supportive of me in everything I do, but I truely feel that if I stand up for myself I will not be welcome there anymore. I am *very* upset about this. After all these years, I don't feel welcome anymore. I am however *very* greatful for the values that were taught to me by my church and I do carry them over into my relationships with men. I just don't know what to do.

This has turned out to be a really long letter. I just wanted to share my experience with my church and homosexuality in general. I was just really happy to see that not all churches feel the same way.

I'm sending you the URL for an article I found on the web about this topic and what the American Baptist Church organization has done. It's http://www.outnow.com/77/church2.html .

Thank you for your time and your sermon.

I appreciate the candor with which you expressed your understanding (or lack thereof) of grace in the sermon you have placed on the internet. I have to say, however, that it seems to me that your words entirely miss the mark. As a gay minister, let me assure you that what I am is in fact a gift from God and my sexuality is celebrated by the hosts of heaven as is everyone elses -- as was Jesus's. I'm actually rather embarassed that you made it clear that you are American Baptist. Those of us who strive to welcome everyone have a hard enough time without the reiteration of the ageless ignorance of the church universal.

I read your piece about homosexuality and I certainly feel your struggle and the writing, again, resurrected my own struggle. Although you tried to fairly provide analogies that may speak to the struggle, you, like many, left the basic challenge unanswered. I would encourage you to rethink two areas. One, the idea that Jesus had nothing to say, specifically,about homosexuality and, two, the notion that because there is perversion in heterosexuality, homosexual perversion is more understandable.

I think it is dangerous to make even moderate conclusions on what Jesus did not say. Really, he may have said something, it just was not caught by the writers. One would beg the question, why did the writers not catch or record a statement of Jesus? Perhaps, most of what was caught and recorded was the most controversial, that which was brought into conflict with the "norm" of the day. Homosexuality could have been commonly understood, among Jesus and the writers, as not acceptable, period, even though it was rampant. Jewish law was strongly against it, Jesus did not come to change the law. Of course the obvious argument, here, is to deliver slight, if any, credence to other popular behavior of today simply because Jesus said nothing about it then. Much if not all of what Jesus said has to be projected on the backdrop of the law in operation at the time. Many drug users have used the "Jesus didn't say not to smoke pot" theory to support their unhealthy, self-destructive behavior. We understand that doing so is not loving yourself.

The other reflection that evidence of heterosexual perversion is supportive of homosexual perversion is simply saying that we are in a fallen state. The fact that we are does not excuse behavior that is displeasing to God. There would be little need for the church if this were not so. Our sin is reconciled in nothing less than Jesus' sacrifice for us, not in how much other sin there is in the world or our lives. Sin does not excuse sin. Jesus excuses sin. Therein lies the real question here, is homosexuality sin? Is it a behavior that separates one from God? I think so. In part, this conclusion comes out of what I feel those who struggle with this issue overlook, conversation with those who have "crossed over". 100% of former homosexuals who now have freedom from such have shared with me that it is a sin. Who would know that best than they? More vehemently, they would also praise those who did not pat them on the back, in an acceptance of pop culture way, and show false love by trying to figure them out instead of speaking boldly against the sin, as one would any other oppressed state of sinfulness. Too often the image I get is one of talking about the challenge and not to the challenge.

Thanks for the time.

I just wanted to say that this sermon was biblical, and should be looked upon by every church in the world who profess christianity. Reading it, I felt like you had given gays the answer. It was well writen, well thought, and Godly. Unfortunetly, It's not an easy answer (like you said). I happen to be gay (I am not remotely proud of it), It is hard. I know that I try to block those feelings out of my mind, but somehow they keep comming back. A few years back I took the approach that "God made me that way", but like you said there are babies born blind. I'm sure God didn't want them to be that way, but they are.

I just wanted to tell you that you seem like a spiritual man and that I would like to write back and forth. I have some other things to talk to you about. MY pastor is conservative and wants no part with gays, he just doesn't understand, I mean I love him dearly but his flaw is his view on homosexuals.

I am 19 and I go to (deleted) college in (deleted). My parents don't that I have these feelings because they basically feel the same way that most conservatives think and I don't want them to know. I have friends to talk to about it , but i need somone who knows God the way God is. Too many people and churches mold God into what they want and I don't like that and God probably doesn't like it either.

Sincerely, In Christ,

Hey wanted you to know that I read you essay about no easy answers. Isn't that the truth. I grew up in the church course I'm only 21 now but I've left because I am gay. I"m not even ashamed. I miss the church. I always planned on being a pastor my self, did a year of Bible school, then I got kicked out because I was infact Gay. I don't even know about what I feel. I know that I am in love with my boyfriend very much and for the first time in my life I am very happy, I"m no longer living a lie.

God Bless your ministry, you seem like your pretty cool dude,

Hey I really like the line about curing diabetes, prettys sweet.

I just finished reading your sermon "No Easy Answers". I have to tell you up front that I disagree with a lot of what you've written; however, I was very pleased to see the extent to which you went to approach answers to the various questions posed. It appears that you have indeed spent much time considering the many issues involved in discussion of homosexuality and the church. It is all too easy to find articles and sermons about the "evils" of homosexuality, so it was refreshing to see a writer, especially one from within a chuch, who actually takes time to wrestle with the questions in a more productive way. Even though I don't agree with most of your points, I do feel that you've given the matter of homosexuality a lot of valuable consideration by looking at both societal and biblical aspects. Some writers today seem to completely ignore the fact that we are living in the 20th century without lambs, asses and chariots. Your sermon shows that you are very much aware of what's going on in the community around you, and that is perhaps the greatest step a religous leader can take before looking at some very difficult questions.

Just a short note to say that the sermon you wrote is very well written. I am not gay by any mean, but I do have a few friends that are. It make me sad to hear people putting them down because of their lifestyles, when in reality they could be one of the best friend you'll ever have.

I am married and have four kids of my own, ranging in age 9 on up to 18. In our family we have a couple of nephew that are open and out of the closet, and I don't believe there is a family out there that can say they don't have any homosexual relatives. They go thru alot of pain in trying to keep their relationship with the family. As I've said, we do not condone their activities and they know it, but we do not treat them like they were poison. My wife and I are the only couple that will greet them into our home beside their mother. I can sympathy with what they have to go through. It's not easy.

Again, I enjoyed reading the sermon. Thanks for giving some new insight from the christain viewpoints. It will provide some new discussions in our church. Many of our friends in the church are very judgemental toward the gays.

I appreciate your balance. I also recognize that you have given the subject much thought (no doubt much more than I), and I express my opinions humbly.

I fear the stance expressed in your article,

"Our practical advice for the gay Christian is change your orientation if you can. If not, be celibate if you can. If not, be as moral (i.e. monogamous) as you can."

may be used as a "cop out" by many. Many of God's Biblical mandates were virtually impossible without the continual empowering of the Holy Spirit (e.g., turn the other cheek, overcome evil with good, love your enemies, and so forth). Shy of heaven, we will always wrestle with the old nature within. I struggle with lust. I have gained control over my sexual thoughts for certain periods of time from minutes to perhaps weeks or months, but the struggle has remained, and I have no confidence that I will ever change (i.e, be freed from it altogether). So, I must continue to resist and wage war against the flesh. If indeed homosexual activity is sin, then the (debatable) inability to change is no license for acceptability. Nor does the difficulty of remaining celibate afford any relief from the wrongness of sin. I remained celibate until I was married at 28. I realize that is not a lifetime, but had I not found the woman God had for me to marry, I would be celibate still. I know many people who have remained celibate for entire lives. It is certainly difficult, and difficulty is certainly no excuse for compromise.

I suppose in essence I agree with you, but feel it is important to stress that the word of God may not be compromised under any situation.

I also recognize that the church's response to homosexuals has been entirely unacceptable in its rejection of the individual. I commend you for not taking the easy road (either easy road!), but really wrestling with the issue.

The reason I initially started to write you is to share a couple of resources available on the WWW concerning this issue. The Christian Research Institute has made some pertinent documents available at the following URL's:

http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/crj0053a.txt
http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/crj0107a.txt
http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/crj0108a.txt

You may be aware of these, but I thought I'd send them just in case.

You strike me as someone who is struggling with the issue of homosexuality and it's place in the Christianity. I would guess that you have always considered homosexuality to be wrong, but have recently had an experiance - perhaps getting to know someone who is gay - that has made you challenge that old belief system and come to the realization that there is nothing wrong with homosexuality. But you're still not there completely...you don't quite know how to let go of those old ingrained beliefs. And I would guess that you're not very comfortable with where you are right now. I hope that you can resolve that struggle with an open heart and an open mind.

Let me tell you a little about myself before I comment on your sermon, so you'll understand where I coming from. I am 34 and have been really struggling with what place the church has in my life. I am still struggling with feeling accepted by the Church - I find that I'm very distrustful, and for good reason. I've been going to a Baptist church for the past 3 years - it's the first church that I've stepped foot in since I came out when I was 18. I was raised Methodist in a religious family who strongly believes that homosexuality is a sin. I've known I was gay since I was very young and am very comfortable with my sexual orientation. I'm in a committed monogomous relationship with a wonderful woman who is very religious - she's why I've gone back to church. She's going to seminary right now. She also has 2 daughters from a previous marriage, so I've had the opportunity to co-parent them. They are great - very loving and accepting - and they are shocked when they find that anybody could have a problem with homosexuality.

I wish that Jesus had said something very clearly about homosexuality, so that we could have saved from all the grief that the Church has so willingly imposed on gays and lesbians, and continues to impose to this day. Perhaps he did say something, but it was never recorded, or it was lost somewhere along the way. Well, regardless of what Jesus may have said or not said, we have minds and hearts and perhaps we can figure this out for ourselves.

As a first comment on your sermon, I agree with you that there are few easy answers to anything in life. Sexuality itself is not the clear cut dichotomy that you portrayed in your sermon - I believe that there is a spectrum of sexuality in which humanity is distributed in a gaussian curve from completely straight at one end, and completely gay at the other, sort of like this: (drawing deleted)

It's rather difficult to draw a Guassian distribution in ASCII, but hopefully you get the idea. The mean could be closer to the center - this is just a guess. The important thing is that there would be very few people that are 100% gay or 100% straight. Of course, to acknowlege this requires being very honest with yourself - something few people are willing to do. Anyway, this is what makes sense to me, and I believe that research such as the Kindsey (sp?) report backs it up.

Now, onto your sermon...

>Thho wished that they were gay.

>The truth is, all of us, straight and gay, know fundamentally that the >natural purpose of sex, though not the only one, is biological reproduction

"Though not the only one" is the big thing that you should remember here. Sex comes out of love for the person that you are with - it is a natural and very powerful statement of that love, a time when two people become connected on a level that the intellect can not provide. If the only reason was reproduction, then love and monogomy would be meaningless. If fact, love and monogomy would be detrimental to greater propagation of the species.

> The homosexual knows that in light of that most basic fact his or her > sexuality is distorted, and he or she grieves over that.

I find this to be insulting and very hetrosexually based. It seems the only place that this statement can stem from is the presumtion that homosexuality is wrong, and therefore is a distortion of what is right. I think it is impossible to view homosexuality objectively when one comes from this foundation.

And even if you take it on the premise that homosexuality is wrong because it does not lead to reproduction of the species, who's to say that this is not also a natural way to ultimately protect the species? Perhaps nature intends some of the species to not be tied to the demands of childrearing in order to provide other needed services to the species such as leadership, medicine, physical protection, longterm planning. Who knows? Not a strong argument, I know, but I thought I'd throw in for what it's worth. It's something that I've considered from time to time, but haven't truely embraced.

> They grieve that they will never be able to know the full complementary >love of a person of the opposite sex.

This is also insulting and seems to be based in a real ignorance of the love between a committed homosexual couple. You make it sound like it is inferior to the love in a hetrosexual relationship. I would suggest that you re-think this. I could as easily assume that hetrosexuals grieve that they will never be able to know the full complementary love of a person of the same sex.

> They grieve that they can never have children.

There's a real baby boom going on right now in the gay and lesbian community. And ALL of these babies are very planned and very wanted, believe me. As a matter of fact, I hope to have a baby soon myself.

>We do not believe that God ever intends any of His people to be >homosexual. We believe people are gay not because they choose >to be so, but because all of nature is fallen and out of wack.

I strongly disagree with this. I believe that there is nothing inherently wrong with homosexuality, although that is clearly what you are saying. Being homosexual is not to be "fallen and out of wack". It's just the society surrounding it that is out of whack.

>Think how hard it must be for a gay person to live a purely monogamous >life without the blessing of, or any support from the church >and society.

Yes, it is difficult to live without any acceptance or positive acknowlegement of my relationship. However, this does not mean that I should just give it up because it is hard. I love my partner completely and I hope that our relationship lasts for the rest of of our lives. I consider us to be married. If Hawaii legalizes gay marriages as expected, my family and I are going to Hawaii as soon as we can. What I would like is for society to recognize that homosexuality is not a sin and for there to be the same support for homosexual relationships as there is for hetrosexual ones. I had hoped that the Church would respond before the state by providing ceremonies that bless relationships, but I have found that although there are pastors who believe that this is right thing to do, they are fearful of losing their jobs if they were to perform one.

> To be sure, a eunuch, a man who has been castrated, and a homosexual > are not the same thing, but there are similarities. Neither can > function fully as a heterosexual person.

This is again judgementally touting hetrosexuality as the ideal and homosexuality as an inferior defect. I function fully as I am - I do not need to be hetrosexual in order to feel whole.

>Can the church handle this issue in a way that is compassionate and true >to the biblical teaching that sexuality should be fully expressed only >in a lifelong monogamous heterosexual relationship?

Where does the Bible say this? I believe that this is your interpretation of the Bible's teaching. Be careful about portraying it as a fact. Also, why not a lifelong homosexual relationship? I believe that you are missing the fact that hetrosexual and homosexual relationships are the same. The only difference are the genders involved. In my relationship, we still have to go to the grocery store, mop the floor, take the kids to karate, soccor, basketball, and piano, fix dinner, pay taxes, have the family over for Christmas and Thanksgiving, go to work, find time to be a family and be a couple. We have to keep our lines of communication open so we can work on things in the relationship before they become a problem. We celebrate anniversaries and birthdays. And yes, we have sex. But I get tired of people thinking only about the sexual aspect of our relationship. ALL of our relationship is about two people loving and caring for each other. Sexually, as well as in every other way. And I find that my relationship is very compassionate and true.

>The church has no simple answers for you either, but we do grieve with you.

I would like more than grieving. I would like understanding, respect, acceptance, courage, and action. At least you are asking some of the right questions, and that is a start. The church as come pretty far in the past 15 years on this issue. However, it still has an incredibly long way to go and I find it very hard to remain patient.

I'm glad you posted this sermon so we could have a chance to talk - feel free to e-mail me to talk further if you want. I bet you get a lot of mail on this subject, so I won't take it personally if I don't hear from you. I just glad to talk to someone in the Baptist religion about homosexuality - as I said earlier, being in a church as been a real struggle for me. Luckily I found a church that is caring and intelligently open minded. My partner and I are the only openly gay couple in the church, though, so it's a bit of a strain.

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